Feathers: A Maximum Ride Counseling Service
by pixelsurgeon
Summary: In which  Iggy tries to explain Rihanna, Nudge is soooo Team Dylan, Angel is creepy, and Gazzy is ignored.
1. Chapter 1

**Iggy: **The author doesn't own anything, no matter how much she wants me. *shudders and looks around nervously*

**Me: **Thanks, Ig, for appearing in my disclaimer. I actually own my character, Morgan. So, no more boring stuff, this is the Maximum Ride Counseling service.

**Iggy: **Why is it named after Max? Honestly, you'd think these people would have _taste_.

**Me: **Calm yourself, beautiful one.

**Iggy: ***is creeped out*

**Me: **Here we go.

**Morgan: **So! Why are you guys here?

**Max: **Because we need 'help', according to Jeb.

**Iggy:** *groans* I hate this already. Can we leave?

**Nudge: **You know, this isn't so bad! I mean, it's not Disneyland or anything. Oooh, Disneyland. I wanna go. Can we, Max? Can we? Please, please, please? I won't even want a souvenir. I promise! I…

Max clamps a hand over her mouth.

**Max: **Sorry, sweetie, no Disneyland. We're stuck here.

**Nudge:** Awwww.

**Angel, Nudge, and Gazzy: ***puppy eyes*

**Max: **After this is over.

**Fang: ***disapproving glare*

**Max: **Go back to the clone.

**Iggy: **Oooh, burn.

**Fang: ***disapproving glare part deux*

**Dylan: **Yo.

**Everyone: **Go fly off a cliff!

**Dylan: **Hey…

**Iggy: **The cake is a lie!

Everyone looks at him strangely.

**Iggy: **Well, sor_ry_. I know it's so terrible I can't be _normal_ like you. *laughs at self*

**Max: **That is the _worst_ type of humor.

**Dylan: **If I say I agree, will you kiss me?

**Max: **No.

**Nudge: **Max, he's super hot. I mean, he's so much cooler than Fang, and he can sing and … *faints*

**Max: **Why do we ever let her talk?

**Iggy: **Well, there _is_ freedom of speech.

**Max: **For that matter, why do we ever let _you_ talk?

**Morgan: ** This is going to be a very long day.

**A/N: **Hi! Thanks for reading. I did this for another fandom, and I thought, "Hey, the MR characters need some 'help' too." And this was born. I know it's kinda short, but I'm just testing it out. So, can you please review?


	2. I know you are, but what am I?

**Dylan: **I'm the disclaimer cuz Iggy was getting very creeped out by the author.

**Me:** God, you? Go off and die! Fax or Miggy, dude. Mylan sucks!

**Dylan: **You hurt me so much.

**Me: **Ignore him. Onwards!

**Morgan: **Okay, we're going to focus on overlooked characters. Anne, why are you evil?

**Anne: **Well, I'm not evil, I…

**Max: **Don't speak.

**Anne: **Max…

**Max: **Do. Not. Speak.

**Iggy: **Oooh! I have an issue! Fang, why do you like redheads, namely Lissa?

**Fang: **Their hair's different.

**Iggy: **Ladies and gentlemen: Fang, the great speaker!

**Angel: **Iggy, your thoughts are messed up. I mean, who sings F*** You in their head all the time?

**Iggy: **It's awesome. (8) I see you flying round town with the birdkid I love, and I'm like…(8)

**Everybody: **Iggy.

**Iggy: **Geez.

**Dylan: ***clears throat* (8) Baby, baby, baby, oh, like(8)

**Everyone: **Shut. The. Bleep. Up.

**Angel: **Fang, you even _think_ in short sentences.

**Max: **Honey, please quit reading our minds.

**Angel: **Max,I thought you hated Dylan. Nudge, I… don't want to decipher your thoughts. Gazzy, really? Blowing up the bathroom?

**Max: **Out. Of. Our. Minds.

**Iggy: **I know you are, but what am I?

**Max: **Stupid.

**Iggy: **I know you are, but what am I?

**Max: **Are you stuck in instant replay?

**Iggy: **I know you are, but what am I?

**Max: **God save us all.


	3. Birdkid TVs, and singing

**Max: **Hey, guys! The guys were getting nervous that the author was going to stalk them, so I'm here.

**Me: **Max, shut up. 1. The only guys I'm gonna stalk are Fang and Iggy. 2. Ohmygod starryeyedwonder96! Thank you SO MUCH! You made my night! Love you.

**Max: **Yes, but she thinks Iggy's hot.

**Me: **What did you just say? Iggy is soooooo hot.

**Max: **This is stupid. Let's get on with it!

**Me: **That's my line.

**Max: **Too bad.

**Max: **So! Ig's on instant replay. Angel, can you fast forward him?

**Angel: ***deadpan* I didn't realize he was a TV.

**Iggy: **I know you are, but what am I?

**Angel: **Iggy, you're STILL singing F*** You!

**Iggy: **I have a better one. (8)Don't wanna be an Avian idiot!(8)

**Nudge: **No. (8) Even Angel has her twisted schemes, but Anne takes that to new extremes.(8)

**Max: **Do we always change lyrics to apply to us?

**Fang: ** (8) She's a birdkid disaster, she's the last of the Avian girls.(8)

**Max: ** *deadpan* I have one too. (8) Look inside, look inside your tiny mind, and look a bit harder.(8)

**Iggy: **You tell ME not to sing songs called F*** You!

**Angel: **She _is _a hypocrite. She says for no one to like Dylan, but she does. She says no guy should take their shirt off, but she wants to see Fang, Iggy and Dylan's chests.

**Fang, Iggy: ** What the *bleep*, man?

**Dylan: ***takes shirt off*

All the girls pass out.

**Fang: **(8) Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me…(8)

Everyone conscious is backing away.

**A/N: **Yo! Okay, so if anyone wants to know what the songs are, the first one was American Idiot by Green Day, the second one was Love the Way You Lie part II by Rihanna, the third one was Last of the American Girls by Green Day, the fourth is F*** You by Lily Allen, and the last and least, Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls. All of them are fairly good except the last one. Please review!


	4. Because I am Puss in Boots!

**Me: **I'm back! *dun dun dun dun*

**Nudge: **So _what?_ I ate nine Snickers bars without barfing! She owns nothing.

**Me: **Why is she here? Security! Take the crazy birdkid away! On with it.

**Morgan: **Today we'll focus on specific issues. Iggy! You're the most screwed up-

**Iggy: **Oh, thank you. Fang has more issues.

**Fang: **(8) When I grow up, I wanna be famous..(8)

**Max: **An addiction to the Pussycat Dolls? He has the whole subscription!

**Dylan: ** Max, I love you, and I want to take my shirt off for you for the rest of my life.

**Max: **You don't have much competition…

She looks at the guys. Iggy's making a grenade, and Fang's still singing.

**Max: **What the hell. Sure.

**Dylan: ***takes shirt off*

**Max: **Nevermind.

**Iggy: **Ooh, one word. Like the Nirvana album!

**Angel: **How do you know it's one word?

**Iggy: ** Because… I. Am. Creepier. Than. Angel!

**Angel: **No one. And I mean no one. Is as creepy as me.

**Max: **Gazzy after a burrito.

**Angel: ***shrugs* Fair enough.

**Iggy: **Because I… am Puss in Boots!

**Max: **Morgan, you can't save… that. *points at Iggy*

**Morgan: **Point.

**Gazzy: **I've _never. _Said _anything. _And you don't care!

**Max: **Of course we do, sweetie. *goes back to ignoring him*

**Gazzy: **I'll eat a burrito…

**Max: **We love you, Gazzy.

**A/N: **Short, sorry. My Iggy phrases come from mucho de random places. Review!


	5. Cuz I may be badass

**Angel: **Hey.

**Me: **Sorry it's been so long!

**Angel: **Geez, lady, Iggy's not gonna appreciate being stalked _again_.

**Me: **Stop reading my mind, please Angel?

**Angel: **Mwahahahaha!

**Morgan: **Now we'll talk about stereotypes, starting with Iggy. Your common stereotypes are: The sex addict and the gay.

**Max: **Let me put it this way. If he's a sex addict, he will get murdered. If he's gay, then it will be amusing.

**Iggy: **Never had sex in my life(though I'd like to try), and if I were gay, then I would be where Fang is.

Fang is in the corner, dancing to Rihanna's S&M.

Surprisingly, Max gets up and starts dancing.

**Max: **(8) I may be badass, cuz I'm perfectly good at it! Dead Erasers in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of them! (8)

**Everyone but Fang and Max: **o_0

**Nudge: **I'm not even that weird! I mean sure, I can talk for paragraphs about pointless stuff, but I don't change the lyrics to S&M or grind with guys( which Max is doing with Fang), and besides, if Fang's grinding with Max, then he's not gay! Well, actually that's probably not true. Oh, look, it's Friday, Friday! I should get down. You know, I wonder if Max and Fang will get married, and _then _Fang will come out and marry Iggy.

**Iggy: **I'M NOT GAY!

**Nudge: **Yeah, right.

**Iggy: **NO, seriously! My pairing of choice is Miggy! Then Niggy! Then Eggy! Then Figgy! Then Izzy!

**Angel: **The computer doesn't recognize any of those as being words.

**Ella: **Ig, why am I last on your female pairings list?

**Iggy:** I don't want to be associated with eggs.

**Ella: **That's stupid.

**Iggy: **You're stupid.

**Ella: ***cries*

Max and Fang are still grinding, now to Rihanna's Shut Up & Drive.

**Nudge: **I love this song! But I have no idea what it means.

**Iggy: ***laughs wickedly and opens mouth to say something*

**Angel: **No.

**Iggy: ***whines*

**Angel: **Bad boy! Don't speak!

**Iggy: ***puts head down*

**Angel: **Sit!

**Iggy: ***sits*

**Gazzy: **Good boy!

**Iggy: **Oh, now I'm some kind of dog?

**Angel: **Shhhhh. There's a good boy!

**Iggy: ***facepalm*

**A/N: **Please review!


	6. The Title Wars

**Gazzy: **I am, apparently, the only guy manly enough to do the author note.

**Me: **Oh, just wait. 4 or 5 more years, you're getting stalked too.

**Gazzy: **Yeah, whatevs.

**Me: **Shut up.

**Dylan: **I'm being ignored!

**Everyone except Max and Fang(still grinding) and Nudge** : Shut yo' ungrateful mouth!

**Dylan: **Why am I ungrateful?

**Iggy: **We let you live. Be grateful for that.

**Nudge: **Ig, shut up! He's so hot! And Max is ungrateful for liking obviously gay guys, and not him!

**Iggy: **God, start his fan club already!

**Nudge: ** That's a _great idea_!

**Iggy: **You thought I was serious?

**Nudge: **Dylan 4 next book title!

**Iggy: **Oh no you di'int! All mine. Can't you picture it? 'Iggy' by James Patterson. Has a nice ring to it.

**Nudge: **Are you Fax supportive?

**Iggy: **I guess…

**Nudge: **Oh. Never mind.

**Iggy: **I only support pairings with me in them.

**Max: **I'm briefly interrupting dancing to say: Egotistical, much?

**Iggy: **I wouldn't, at this point, call it dancing.

**Dylan: ***unsuccessfully tries to join the grinding*

**Everyone but him: **Epic fail.

**Dylan: **FML.

**Iggy: **Totally deserved it.

**Dylan: **Shut up.

**Iggy: **You shut up!

**Dylan: **'Dylan'!

**Iggy: **'Iggy'!

**Gazzy: **'Gazzy'!

**Nudge: **'Dylan'!

**Angel: **You broke the chain! How _dare_ _you?_!

**Nudge: **Cuz I can! I'm awesome, you're a scene stealer, and your creepiness is made up! Oh yes, I did!

**Angel: ***death glare*

**A/N: **Please review!


End file.
